If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
