peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
