Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
