Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
