call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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