erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
