I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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