whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
