So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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