My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
