u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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