Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
did i just pee glitter
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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