Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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