I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
