i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
