Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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