I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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