You can't special order awesome
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize