so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
