I wish I only lived at night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
