I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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