do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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