some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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