Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
