i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
