im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
