Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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