areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
