her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
