Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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