Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize