I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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