There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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