I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
