yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
