This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
