you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
