if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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