So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pants are for mortals
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
