How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
