Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
