Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
