The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
