I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hello my rib-scented angel!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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