Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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