Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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