I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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