Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
