i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
