Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
