why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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