Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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