i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
