dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The air was thick with penises
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
