I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's the barista slut.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't turn off my feet"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
