I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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