I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
