I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
