I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
