i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
