I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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