I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
do nipples grow back?
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