You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
