I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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